Hebrew the Elf

How did I not think of this until now? To counter-act the Goy Toy "Elf on the Shelf," one more magical creature in my life. "Hebrew the Elf" comes each night bringing worry and a guilt! He leaves poor marks on previously graded papers--making the 95 into a 59!!! Hebrew strews torn pages of dirty magazines throughout the house, sticky notes on them...gross. Spilled bong water on the carpet. Pictures of you in a green dress. Skid marked underwear. Facebook updates of you kissing your sister...gross. Or this could be renamed "Older Brother the Elf." It's coming folks, believe it.